So what can you do if you find yourself as a target of a stalker?

• Clearly and firmly tell the stalker to leave you alone. Do not engage in any type of negotiation
• Keep a log of all incidents – include time, date, what happened and any witnesses
• Make multiple copies of any restraining order and keep a copy with you at all times
• Keep any packages, letters, cards or gifts from the stalker. These may be important if you decide to report to the police
• Keep your address confidential. Get a post office box and use it on all correspondence.
• Put this address on all checks. If you need to receive mail/packages from FedEx etc. change P.O Box to “Apartment”
• Use an answering machine to screen all calls. Save or record all calls from the stalker.
• Report harassment to your phone company so they can block calls also install caller ID on your phone and cell phone
• Never answer the phone when the stalker calls. Doing so tells him you eventually will answer if he continues his calls
• Know where 24-hour stores and any other public, highly populated areas are where you travel or live.
• Never go home alone if you are being stalked
• Inform security at your place of employment if you are being stalked. Do the same with friends, neighbors and others that you know so that the stalker can not get information from them
• If you have a picture of the stalker give copies to friends and to places you frequent
• Carry a camera or cell phone camera and take photos of the stalker as he stalks you. If he sees you all the better.
• Never stop to read any messages left on your car. Simply take the note and toss it into the backseat of the car and drive off – (he is probably watching) Retrieve it later for evidence

If you are sexually assaulted…
If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence contact your local community sexual assault hotline and law enforcement. Remember it is not your fault! Sexual assault is about control and opportunity.


“Because I travel to many locations, some of which can be questionable, I am often asked is “how do you know your are in a ‘bad’ neighborhood?” 


Whenever you are in a vehicle always make sure your doors are locked. If you are lost in a questionable neighborhood, NEVER stop to ask for directions or stop to check a map or GPS. Always Keep Driving. Eventually you will get out of the area. If you see a police vehicle, flash your lights for them to stop. Another good place to stop is a local fire house and ask for directions.”

Sandy raises some good points here. Also keep an eye out for sneakers hanging above you on power lines, traffic lights or street lights. Those sneakers are another way street gangs mark their territory. If you are in a vehicle and facing danger, stay in the locked vehicle and keep moving.

If your car is being attacked lean on your horn and don’t let up as you drive. At the same time, call 911 on your cell phone. Put the phone on the seat next to you and keep talking. If you have pepper spray now is the time to have it in your hand. Remember, all emergency calls are recorded and your call for help will provide a minute by minute account of any criminal activity that took place.

Also look around for other unconventional escape options if your way is blocked. These might include driving down the sidewalk, driving through a red light, or driving the wrong way on a one way street. If you are facing the prospect of a physical attack don’t worry about breaking traffic laws.

If you facing a life threatening situation, remember your 2,000+ pound vehicle can always be used as an impact weapon against one or more attackers.

IM-SAFE “Keeping Women And Those They Love Safe”

I live in a safe neighborhood and always careful when traveling or shopping.

Not long ago, as I was getting my car, I was suddenly and brutally attacked  from behind by a large male in his late 20’s or early 30′s.   I am a professional 45 year old married woman who thought I was prepared. Spraying him with a can a pepper spray I was shocked when he simply turned his head and kept coming.  A tall thin man he hit me repeatedly with his fists. I don’t know how I got there but when I woke up in the hospital, I also learned I was assaulted.  My purse had been taken along with all of my credit cards, house keys and ID. After several weeks and months, the physical injuries have healed, but I am tormented by the attack and live in constant fear.

Today I am afraid to be alone much less walk or shop by myself anymore.  Is there anything I can do? Tasers are illegal to carry in my state, I am not a big fan of firearms and don’t have time to spend hours in self-defense classes. Any suggestions would be appreciated …. Thanks, Bernice

Sorry to hear about your experience Bernice…  People don’t realize is that the “hotness levels” of pepper sprays are not regulated by the authorities nor are they tested by manufacturers.

While most producers appear to offer similar concentrations of OC, the main irritant used in many defensive sprays,  simply relying on the Scoville Heat Units (SHU’s) listed on the container is very misleading.   Millions of SHU’s listed  are no guarantee that the product will stop an attacker. All Oleoresin Capsicum (OC) sprays are diluted by 90 to 98% from the original raw product.  Buying an untested defensive spray product at a local retail or sporting goods store or on line is just risky.

That being said, properly formulated pepper sprays and enhanced sprays are extremely effective. They are non-lethal, and allow you to defend yourself against single or multiple aggressors from a distance.  Enhanced sprays are used by federal agencies, police departments, state police and state corrections users across the country with great success.

I am only aware of one U.S. firm Security Equipment Corp. that actually tests its products for effectiveness.  SABRE Red is the only one we offer and suggest our students use.  It is the same product used by the largest police department in the world including the NYPD and US Border Patrol.

As with any defensive tool you need to be trained on proper use and deployment.  Many people purchase defense spray products and presume that it is just like using bug spray.  One or two quick shots and the pest goes away.  Nice thought but  real life that does not work that way.

To rebuild confidence levels we recommend that women take some form of self-defense training that best meets their needs. Given the information  you  shared with us today,  you may want to reconsider the effectiveness of tested defensive sprays and check out our  SABRE Certified (3) hour hands on  Defensive Spray Workshop.

This is not something that may happen to you.  This is something that will happen to you and to everyone you love.   Fortunately, a bit of planning and preparation can dramatically change the outcome of your unplanned adventure.

How many times have you seen a family member jump in a car and leave the house with little or no money, no coat or cell phone?  How many times have you seen a member of your family “ just run out for a few minutes” and not be properly prepared for the weather?  While living in Wisconsin a few years back I found myself searching for a group of teens who decided to have an impromptu  “beach party” at a friend’s house.  All were all dressed in shorts, bathing suits and flip flops.  At 1 AM we found them in a snow bank on a back road.  By luck, they happened to have enough fuel to keep the heat on in the car until help arrived. Had they run out of gas, it would have been a different story with the temperature at  20 below zero.

It’s the small things that can often get you out of trouble. To that end, I am often the target of some good natured kidding from my wife about filling up  when the gas gage hits the quarter mark.  That’s ok.  While I have never run out of gas, not everyone in my family can make that claim but they are getting better.

If you find your car failing try to get your vehicle off to the side. Try to get to an exit even if it means rolling on a flat tire.  Yes, the tire may be ruined, but that single act could save your life.  If that option is not available consider pulling to the forward of a section of guardrail. Doing so will put that protective barrier between you and a distracted or intoxicated driver slamming into your parked car.

While waiting for help there are only two good places you should be. The first is standing far away from your car to avoid being hit by any shrapnel resulting from a high speed collision with your parked car. The second option is to stay seated inside your car and belted firmly in place.  Depending on weather that second option may be your only choice. Having cash or a credit card also  lets a tow truck driver he will will be paid for his services.  Drivers have been known to say “no thank you” and drive off leaving you stranded.

Every car should be equipped a flashlight, flares and water. You should always carry a cellphone and a charger.  And it’s always a good idea to sign on with a roadside assistance service like On-Star or AAA.  To offer assistance they have to know exactly where you located. If you do not know drive until you see a mile marker or road sign.

Being female and stranded also means you are an easy target for a predator. Consider carrying pepper spray. It is nonlethal and can be effective.  Don’t just carry it.  Learn how to use it.  Hitting a bad guy with a defensive spray is not like spraying a bug. You really need to be trained how to use a product and know which sprays are effective. Many are not.

Finally , learn how to use weapons of opportunity to defend yourself.  Items such as flashlights, pens, water bottles, canes and more can be very effective in an emergency.

NEVER presume that the nice looking man walking to your car carrying a tire iron is there to help.

I wanted to share this story with you.

I was living in San Francisco with a friend having left my hometown to be out on my own. One day I met a man while at a cafe. He made me feel very comfortable and we began a conversation. Knowing I was new to the area he suggested visiting Golden Gate Park. When we got on the bus, the first thing I should have noticed, (first warning) was the bus driver kept looking in his rear view mirror at us.

When we got off the bus, the driver shook his head as if to warn me (second warning)! As we walked along the park my new best friend suggested a shortcut through a lightly wooded area. I did not think much about his suggestion.  As we walked, he suddenly grabbed me from behind and had me in a choke hold.

Knowing I only had a few seconds  I knew right then and there I had to fight for my life and landed several blows that hit their mark. That simple move gave me time to run. A passing motorcycle picked me up and, took me to a public place where I could call my friend.

Susan W

Thanks Susan – Most women tend to hold back when encountering physical violence.  Having a plan of action in advance is the key.  While real life self-defense is all about stopping an attack by disabling your attacker, the real focus must be on learning how to recognize danger signs in advance of a physical encounter.

Listening to your intuition and following that small voice inside your head that says “avoid this danger” is one of the best things you can do to help yourself. Congratulations on having the mindset not to become a victim.

The paradox of women’s self-defense is that the more prepared you are, the less likely you are to need it. If you do need to call on those skills  that same confidence can end an attack quickly.

Hi Dennis and Jen:

I agree on the confronting and yelling.  I came home from work one night at around 2 a.m. and went right to bed. I lie there in bed and started falling asleep and then heard a noise outside my bedroom window. I listened intently until I determined that someone was opening the window. There were blinds over the window but I heard it being raised. I jumped out of bed with my heart racing wildly. I grabbed the sash to the blinds and jerked them up noisily. I saw a man standing there and began to yell at the top of my lungs, “What the hell do you want!!” The window dropped and he ran. I called 911 and within minutes a helicopter was flying overhead when police arrived.

I realized one day while watching a young man walking up my street, that this guy had the same physique and I had an eerie feeling. I called the police and told them about the man and that he walked that street quite often. I am not sure what happened, but I stopped seeing the guy around. This was the second close episode in my life of an imminent threat. Yell and stand up against harm!

Way to go Susan!!! Being polite in the face of danger is a mistake you don’t want to make.  If you think you may be a potential target for an attack don’t be shy.   Bad guys expect victims to act a certain way. Doing something unexpected can quickly turn the tables on an attacker. Just having the courage to stand up for yourself can discourage most criminal attacks. Knowing how to use the self-defense pyramid is survival skill every woman should acquire.

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Hi Dennis and Jen.

Not long ago many people thought it was odd for a woman to be a police officer, a plumber or fire fighter.  Stranger still was the thought that women could fly military aircraft or drive trucks.

That got me thinking … what allows some women to accomplish their goals while others struggle or live in fear?  To me the answer is obvious. Successful women know when you deal with men and life in general you must think of yourself as an equal competitor.

Women need to know what they stand for and be able to state their position clearly. Today more and more women are entering jobs that were traditionally reserved for men.  Today women drive trucks, fight wars and more.  So here is a tip I want to pass on.  When communicating with others always take “you” out of the emotional middle.  To get something done tell people what you want or what you need.  If they don’t listen the first time say it again and this time take the time to tell them why you are asking. Once people know what you want and the reasons behind your request, it is amazing what you can accomplish.                  \

Thanks, Sandy Long

Sandy hit it on the head. Most people will comply with a reasonable request without asking why about 40% of the time. Give people the reasons behind a request and your cooperation quotient jumps up to about 80%.  The remaining 20% always need to know the consequences of failing to comply before they take action. The long and short of this is – if you are in a situation where you are out of control — you cannot control the situation.

Getting  people to decide to do what you want them to do is a powerful tool – so powerful that we teach an entire workshop on it called Defensive Communication.

• Short of fire, nothing causes more damage to the inside of a property than leaking water. It is estimated that 65% of property damage is caused by water leaking from failing pipes, hoses, plumbing fixtures and appliances. Before you leave, turn off the water supply to items like washing machines, bathrooms and more.
• Ask a friend or relative to check your house while you are away. Give them a key so they can bring in the mail or newspaper.  Provide them a phone number where you can be reached in case of an emergency.
• Never call to stop delivery of mail or newspapers as that can alert criminals working in customer service centers as to when you will be away.
• Park a car in your driveway and hire a neighborhood youngster to wash it once a week.  He or she can also water the lawn and pick up advertising flyers left behind on your doorstep.
• Watch your conversation in beauty and nail salons.  Detailed travel plans discussed in any public place can let the wrong people know exactly when you will be away and when you will return.
• NEVER post any of your vacation or travel plans on web sites like Facebook or Twitter. No matter what you have been told secure “friends” networks do not exist.
• If you are leaving for more than a week let the police know to check on your property. If you have a neighborhood watch program alert the group to be aware of any suspicious activity.
• Purchase timers for your lights and use them. Connect one up to a radio tuned in to a talk format and turn up the volume.  Those radio voices sound like conversation to someone listening from the outside.
• Take a tour outside of your house at night and see how much you can see by looking through your windows. Close doors, shades or drapes to close off “vision corridors” for observing lack of activity in your home.
• Remove any spare keys you may have hidden around the outside of your home.
• Put away any tools that could be used to break into your home.  While you are at it see if your neighbor has items that a criminal could use to break into your home such as a ladder in an open garage.
• Lock all windows and doors.  If you have an attached garage lock the door to the garage to prevent criminals from entering your garage and using it to conceal their activity.
• Finally, if you plan on leaving a car at home put the keys away. Having your home broken into is bad enough without giving the crook a free car and an easy way drive off with your valuables.

As with every other group of young women, it is always interesting to watch the change in attitude as we discussed the facts of college life.  Facts like 100% of colleges have incidents of sexual assault.   Prior to the start of the workshop not one of these young women realized that from the time they enter college in September to when they come home at Thanksgiving they stood a 1 in 3 chance of being assaulted.  When you add in stalking, bullying and dating violence the number of women who will encounter predators while attending college can reach 65%.  While colleges and universities are quick to point out their campus student safety record, none of the young ladies who had recently taken college tours with their parents were aware that 95% of assaults on college campuses are never reported to the police.

If you are a parent reading this or if you  are a student going off to college take the time to learn more about the simple measures students can take to protect themselves while at college.  At 17 years of age many young women mistakenly believe they are ready to handle the college experience. Sadly, most never take the time to learn some basic skills that could prevent a tragedy.

Take a few minutes to visit the following link from the Today Show  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/43091112#43091112