New law passed by the legislature in Connecticut May 9, 2012 aims to protect victims. New law takes steps to create a standard approach to family crime by police including more training for police officers and the designation of a domestic-violence point person in each department.

Survivors and thrivers often turn to national or regional organizations to request services ranging from counseling and legal assistance to sanctuary in a sheltered residence. While specialized assistance is needed and welcomed, it is easy for victims to become isolated from the world around them.

The FORUM@IM-SAFE is all about empowerment and offers survivors an opportunity to meet and share their stories with other women in a safe on-line environment. Here you can speak with other women and learn what happened in their lives. You can also discover what resources helped them along the way.

As a member, you can choose complete privacy and take in information that will help you. In time, you may want to share what life experiences have empowered you, or what type of training, guidance or workshops helped you along the way.

FORUM members can also share information about women’s personal safety lectures, local and state legislative changes, events, blogs, support services, news, special events, videos, literature and 
more.

The FORUM is an on-line extension of the vision of Jennifer Lownik, founder of The IM-SAFE Institute®, a not for profit 501(c)3 corporation dedicated to Keeping Women And Those They Love Safe.℠.

Not satisfied with simply supporting victims, Jennifer recognized a new approach was needed – Reduce the need for ongoing victim assistance by empowering women and thereby reducing the number of victims. Through workshops, forums, seminars and hands on training, women learn how to stand tall against abuse.

“I wanted to give women the tools and methods for successful conflict resolution. From learning how to disengage from an attack by using wit or deception to learning how to control a man’s hands and hips to stop a physical attack”

We look forward to your being a member of The FORUM@IM-SAFE

“I can personally attest to the effectiveness of law enforcement level pepper spray – it is the most devastatingly effective chemical agent I have had the unfortunate opportunity to experience. Whether quelling a disturbance or jogging after work I carry it with me all the time.”

“In my experience, a quality pepper spray has proven to be extremely effective against very hostile subjects and highly aggressive physical assaults. I am a very staunch advocate for carrying pepper spray for personal defense and believe very strongly in the advantage that it gives you in keeping you and your family safe.”

Depending on location, time of day and other distractions, police response to your call for help may not be fast enough to keep you from harm. If you are facing danger, there is going to be a critical window where you may need to defend yourself before help arrives. Living and working in a safe area is no guarantee of personal safety.

When you stop and think about it we wear seat belts in our cars, carry a cell phone and have smoke alarms in our homes. In reality, you are more likely to be faced with a situation where you may have to protect yourself than being involved in a house fire. Unfortunately, self-defense against an attack is something we don’t like to think about and when we do … it’s usually too late.

One of the biggest challenges with defensive spray products is that there are no national standards. Failure rates are high due to poor product quality with some being diluted as much as 98%. Additionally training is lacking on how to properly and legally use these devices. Women, for example, will often carry these items in their purses when they should be carried in your hand. We see women carrying defensive sprays with expiration dates well in excess of 5 years or more. When it comes to personal safety for yourself or a family member it is critical to know what you are doing.

The IM-SAFE Defensive Spray Workshops are open to both females and males. The cost includes, practice canisters of pepper spray, a certificate of completion and a canister of law enforcement level pepper spray.

In the class, the student will fire inert canisters of pepper spray at targets so they can see first hand how to make an effective shot. The class can be taken by persons under the age of 18, however, the pepper spray will only be given to adults.

So what can you do if you find yourself as a target of a stalker?

• Clearly and firmly tell the stalker to leave you alone. Do not engage in any type of negotiation
• Keep a log of all incidents – include time, date, what happened and any witnesses
• Make multiple copies of any restraining order and keep a copy with you at all times
• Keep any packages, letters, cards or gifts from the stalker. These may be important if you decide to report to the police
• Keep your address confidential. Get a post office box and use it on all correspondence.
• Put this address on all checks. If you need to receive mail/packages from FedEx etc. change P.O Box to “Apartment”
• Use an answering machine to screen all calls. Save or record all calls from the stalker.
• Report harassment to your phone company so they can block calls also install caller ID on your phone and cell phone
• Never answer the phone when the stalker calls. Doing so tells him you eventually will answer if he continues his calls
• Know where 24-hour stores and any other public, highly populated areas are where you travel or live.
• Never go home alone if you are being stalked
• Inform security at your place of employment if you are being stalked. Do the same with friends, neighbors and others that you know so that the stalker can not get information from them
• If you have a picture of the stalker give copies to friends and to places you frequent
• Carry a camera or cell phone camera and take photos of the stalker as he stalks you. If he sees you all the better.
• Never stop to read any messages left on your car. Simply take the note and toss it into the backseat of the car and drive off – (he is probably watching) Retrieve it later for evidence

If you are sexually assaulted…
If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence contact your local community sexual assault hotline and law enforcement. Remember it is not your fault! Sexual assault is about control and opportunity.


“Because I travel to many locations, some of which can be questionable, I am often asked is “how do you know your are in a ‘bad’ neighborhood?” 


Whenever you are in a vehicle always make sure your doors are locked. If you are lost in a questionable neighborhood, NEVER stop to ask for directions or stop to check a map or GPS. Always Keep Driving. Eventually you will get out of the area. If you see a police vehicle, flash your lights for them to stop. Another good place to stop is a local fire house and ask for directions.”

Sandy raises some good points here. Also keep an eye out for sneakers hanging above you on power lines, traffic lights or street lights. Those sneakers are another way street gangs mark their territory. If you are in a vehicle and facing danger, stay in the locked vehicle and keep moving.

If your car is being attacked lean on your horn and don’t let up as you drive. At the same time, call 911 on your cell phone. Put the phone on the seat next to you and keep talking. If you have pepper spray now is the time to have it in your hand. Remember, all emergency calls are recorded and your call for help will provide a minute by minute account of any criminal activity that took place.

Also look around for other unconventional escape options if your way is blocked. These might include driving down the sidewalk, driving through a red light, or driving the wrong way on a one way street. If you are facing the prospect of a physical attack don’t worry about breaking traffic laws.

If you facing a life threatening situation, remember your 2,000+ pound vehicle can always be used as an impact weapon against one or more attackers.

IM-SAFE “Keeping Women And Those They Love Safe”

I live in a safe neighborhood and always careful when traveling or shopping.

Not long ago, as I was getting my car, I was suddenly and brutally attacked  from behind by a large male in his late 20’s or early 30′s.   I am a professional 45 year old married woman who thought I was prepared. Spraying him with a can a pepper spray I was shocked when he simply turned his head and kept coming.  A tall thin man he hit me repeatedly with his fists. I don’t know how I got there but when I woke up in the hospital, I also learned I was assaulted.  My purse had been taken along with all of my credit cards, house keys and ID. After several weeks and months, the physical injuries have healed, but I am tormented by the attack and live in constant fear.

Today I am afraid to be alone much less walk or shop by myself anymore.  Is there anything I can do? Tasers are illegal to carry in my state, I am not a big fan of firearms and don’t have time to spend hours in self-defense classes. Any suggestions would be appreciated …. Thanks, Bernice

Sorry to hear about your experience Bernice…  People don’t realize is that the “hotness levels” of pepper sprays are not regulated by the authorities nor are they tested by manufacturers.

While most producers appear to offer similar concentrations of OC, the main irritant used in many defensive sprays,  simply relying on the Scoville Heat Units (SHU’s) listed on the container is very misleading.   Millions of SHU’s listed  are no guarantee that the product will stop an attacker. All Oleoresin Capsicum (OC) sprays are diluted by 90 to 98% from the original raw product.  Buying an untested defensive spray product at a local retail or sporting goods store or on line is just risky.

That being said, properly formulated pepper sprays and enhanced sprays are extremely effective. They are non-lethal, and allow you to defend yourself against single or multiple aggressors from a distance.  Enhanced sprays are used by federal agencies, police departments, state police and state corrections users across the country with great success.

I am only aware of one U.S. firm Security Equipment Corp. that actually tests its products for effectiveness.  SABRE Red is the only one we offer and suggest our students use.  It is the same product used by the largest police department in the world including the NYPD and US Border Patrol.

As with any defensive tool you need to be trained on proper use and deployment.  Many people purchase defense spray products and presume that it is just like using bug spray.  One or two quick shots and the pest goes away.  Nice thought but  real life that does not work that way.

To rebuild confidence levels we recommend that women take some form of self-defense training that best meets their needs. Given the information  you  shared with us today,  you may want to reconsider the effectiveness of tested defensive sprays and check out our  SABRE Certified (3) hour hands on  Defensive Spray Workshop.

This is not something that may happen to you.  This is something that will happen to you and to everyone you love.   Fortunately, a bit of planning and preparation can dramatically change the outcome of your unplanned adventure.

How many times have you seen a family member jump in a car and leave the house with little or no money, no coat or cell phone?  How many times have you seen a member of your family “ just run out for a few minutes” and not be properly prepared for the weather?  While living in Wisconsin a few years back I found myself searching for a group of teens who decided to have an impromptu  “beach party” at a friend’s house.  All were all dressed in shorts, bathing suits and flip flops.  At 1 AM we found them in a snow bank on a back road.  By luck, they happened to have enough fuel to keep the heat on in the car until help arrived. Had they run out of gas, it would have been a different story with the temperature at  20 below zero.

It’s the small things that can often get you out of trouble. To that end, I am often the target of some good natured kidding from my wife about filling up  when the gas gage hits the quarter mark.  That’s ok.  While I have never run out of gas, not everyone in my family can make that claim but they are getting better.

If you find your car failing try to get your vehicle off to the side. Try to get to an exit even if it means rolling on a flat tire.  Yes, the tire may be ruined, but that single act could save your life.  If that option is not available consider pulling to the forward of a section of guardrail. Doing so will put that protective barrier between you and a distracted or intoxicated driver slamming into your parked car.

While waiting for help there are only two good places you should be. The first is standing far away from your car to avoid being hit by any shrapnel resulting from a high speed collision with your parked car. The second option is to stay seated inside your car and belted firmly in place.  Depending on weather that second option may be your only choice. Having cash or a credit card also  lets a tow truck driver he will will be paid for his services.  Drivers have been known to say “no thank you” and drive off leaving you stranded.

Every car should be equipped a flashlight, flares and water. You should always carry a cellphone and a charger.  And it’s always a good idea to sign on with a roadside assistance service like On-Star or AAA.  To offer assistance they have to know exactly where you located. If you do not know drive until you see a mile marker or road sign.

Being female and stranded also means you are an easy target for a predator. Consider carrying pepper spray. It is nonlethal and can be effective.  Don’t just carry it.  Learn how to use it.  Hitting a bad guy with a defensive spray is not like spraying a bug. You really need to be trained how to use a product and know which sprays are effective. Many are not.

Finally , learn how to use weapons of opportunity to defend yourself.  Items such as flashlights, pens, water bottles, canes and more can be very effective in an emergency.

NEVER presume that the nice looking man walking to your car carrying a tire iron is there to help.

I wanted to share this story with you.

I was living in San Francisco with a friend having left my hometown to be out on my own. One day I met a man while at a cafe. He made me feel very comfortable and we began a conversation. Knowing I was new to the area he suggested visiting Golden Gate Park. When we got on the bus, the first thing I should have noticed, (first warning) was the bus driver kept looking in his rear view mirror at us.

When we got off the bus, the driver shook his head as if to warn me (second warning)! As we walked along the park my new best friend suggested a shortcut through a lightly wooded area. I did not think much about his suggestion.  As we walked, he suddenly grabbed me from behind and had me in a choke hold.

Knowing I only had a few seconds  I knew right then and there I had to fight for my life and landed several blows that hit their mark. That simple move gave me time to run. A passing motorcycle picked me up and, took me to a public place where I could call my friend.

Susan W

Thanks Susan – Most women tend to hold back when encountering physical violence.  Having a plan of action in advance is the key.  While real life self-defense is all about stopping an attack by disabling your attacker, the real focus must be on learning how to recognize danger signs in advance of a physical encounter.

Listening to your intuition and following that small voice inside your head that says “avoid this danger” is one of the best things you can do to help yourself. Congratulations on having the mindset not to become a victim.

The paradox of women’s self-defense is that the more prepared you are, the less likely you are to need it. If you do need to call on those skills  that same confidence can end an attack quickly.